She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
