rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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