Please don't use social media to get back at me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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