You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
