we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
