ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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