bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
