I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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