sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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