Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
