I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
