My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
