So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
