Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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