just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Someone shit on the floor
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
