Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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