Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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