Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
