At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
