im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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