no, he came in my armpit
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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