I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
