I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize