I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
