Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
