maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize