oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
soo... how was my night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
