U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
