We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Green mimosas i think yes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize