the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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