your room smells of hookers.
And success
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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