Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
