"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
