so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
