Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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