You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
