hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
