when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
