i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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