Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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