If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
