She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
