i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
