is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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