I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
