How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
