i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
