dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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