I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
