Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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