now i know why i became what i already was.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
