You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
